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Kind. Not Nice.
I can hear my coach saying this in my head from a few years ago, “What if you didn’t have to be nice?”
*pausing so you can picture me sitting on my porch stunned by this very idea*
This question has never left me and I think about it often when I run into a situation where I hit a crossroad:
- Either be nice, what I picture as “meek” and kind of quiet resulting in not putting my actual desire or opinion out into the world.
- OR speaking up about my desire or opinion with kindness and confidence trusting and allowing the other individual or individuals are sovereign over their own feelings and experience and will speak up about their desires with kindness as well so we can reach a positive conclusion.
Kind. Not Nice.
Further examples pulled directly from you all:
- What would it look like if you spoke up about the business you want to start instead of continuing the career your parents or family expected or urged you towards?
- How would your life look differently if you spoke up about wanting to work a career AND be a mom.
- OR, vise versa, how would your life look different if you spoke about wanting to just be a mom and not have to juggle motherhood and working?
- How would your life shift if you simply started asking for what you want? That DREAM house you want to save for and purchase, the restaurant you want to go to for dinner (no more, I don’t really care, whatever you want!), the extra time you need to rest, the vacation time you want to take (but are for some reason scared to ask for…even though you know you have the vacation days saved up).
Ok, diving even deeper, do you know what you want?
Have you been nice for so long, that when you take time to think through where you want to go for dinner…you’re actually not even sure because you never even give yourself space to think about it?
If that’s you, I totally get it.
When I was first asked that question, “What if you didn’t have to be nice?” I didn’t know.
I did not know what it would look like if I didn’t have to be nice.
I had tried standing up for what I desired in the past only to be dismissed or told why my perspective wasn’t valid which built up this fear inside of me and I just stopped asking myself what I REALLY wanted.
So, friend, I leave you with this: What do you REALLY want?
- In life
- In work
- In love
And what if, you didn’t have to be nice?