“Break free from victimization to claim what you want.”
I have to be honest, writing that makes me gag a little. 🤢
I guess because, in some ways, it sounds cliché. However, I recognize it is cliché because many individuals, including myself, have experienced moments of longing for a freer and more fulfilling life.
However, I want to take this particular mantra deeper than where most self-development spaces go with it and really explore the self-help-heavy Dominant Dogma, “What you want is meant for you.”
So today, I’m asking:
Can you truly break free from victimization to claim what you want and…access it?
Because while I believe this is possible, it may look different than what you’ve been taught. This is why I’m sharing a deeper understanding of this through the fable of “The Fox & The Grapes” and 3 ways to claim what you *really* want on the podcast today.
In this episode, I explore:
- The popular self-help Dominant Dogma, “What you want is meant for you.”
- How this mantra and some coaching practices perpetuate the feeling of brokenness or like you are doing something wrong if you don’t get what you want
- Using the fable of The Fox & The Grapes to explore this theme
- 3 ways to claim what you *really* want
- An invitation to use my new book as your practical guide to personal freedom, “Live Your Freedom Now”
- A reminder that I have space open if you’d like to work with me deeper in a one-on-one capacity
Listen to the episode wherever you like to listen to your podcasts or watch it now on YouTube!
Watch the episode:
Hello, hello freethinker!
Here are a couple of quick updates for you before we dive in:
- First: Every Monday morning from 8:00-9:00 am PST, I go live on the app Insight Timer pulling affirmation cards and offering journal prompts to start your week. This space has proven to be such an encouraging way to start the week, and I would love to have you join! The link is in the show notes to follow me on Insight Timer and learn more about the weekly event.
- Second: I am currently accepting new 1:1 coaching clients! My coaching work is carefully facilitated to help you before, during, and after seasons of overwhelm, transition, and executive function burnout so that you can rise empowered and root into freedom, no matter what lies ahead. All of my coaching is trauma-informed, neurodivergent and lgbtqia+ affirming, and rooted in the belief that you are already whole. If you are ready for support on your personal freedom journey, text or call me at 815.914.6304 or head to megscolleen.com and book a free consultation to see if I’m the right coach for you.
- Finally: A reminder that my book, Live Your Freedom Now is available for purchase at megscolleen.com. This is my #1 recommended way to continue exploring the topics that we begin exploring together here on the pod. In the book I offer short, practical stories and explorations into what freedom is and what it is not. Additionally, I walk you through the five practices of freedom to begin your personal freedom journey.
Ok, let’s get started:
Today I am writing to you while sitting at my dining room table, one of the two primary spots I often write from. Today, my husband is out of town, and morning fog is filling the skies, so there is an overall sense of calm and slowness present. I have a Spotify playlist on called “plant growing music,” and my mind is present here, though, at times, I’m noticing it wander to integrate elements from my day yesterday.
As I pause to notice my inner and outer worlds, I encourage you to do the same. Notice where you are, the textures around you, the colors, and the sounds. Notice any emotions that are present in your system.
In this practice, I encourage you not to judge or label any sensation or object. Instead, simply notice, witness, and allow all parts of yourself and your experience to the table. Allow them, and you, just as you are in this moment. This is a practice of personal freedom that you can utilize at any time.
In today’s episode, I explore what it means to break free from victimization to claim what you want.
I have to be honest, writing that makes me gag a little because, in some ways, it sounds cliché. However, I recognize it is cliché because many individuals, including myself, have experienced moments of longing for a freer and more fulfilling life.
With this in mind, I want to speak to this longing and want to take this deeper than where most self-development spaces go.
Currently, most new age, self-help, and self-development spaces agree and preach the Dominant Dogma, “What you want is meant for you.”
This potent phrase is literalized instead of honoring the roots of the phrase (which we will get to later). It is taught that if you want something tangible, something materialistic, it’s meant for you! And by stating, “I WANT THIS!” you’re already calling in that job, raise, lover, clientele, object, etc.
Time and time again, I’ve sat in coaching sessions with clients who feel ever more broken and like something is wrong with them because a guide they trusted taught them this mantra, but no matter how much they owned their desires, what they wanted didn’t come for them. Not only did this result in the client feeling broken or like they were doing something wrong, but often their guide, instead of honoring the nuance of life and that individual’s journey, would somehow turn it back on the client, giving them one thing they were not doing right, or one thing they were overdoing, ultimately causing even more hurt and pain and perpetuating the very symptom the client came in with.
If this is the case, is claiming your desires even worth it? Is this phrase just another harmful coaching narrative that needs to be canceled? Or, can you truly break free from victimization to claim what you want and…access it?
I believe this is possible, but it may look different than what you’ve been taught.
To explore this, let’s dive into a fable together. The fable of The Fox & The Grapes.
Once upon a time, a hungry fox strolled through the forest and spotted a luscious bunch of grapes hanging from a high vine. The fox’s mouth watered at the sight of the ripe, juicy grapes. Excited and eager to taste them, he leaped up repeatedly, trying to reach the grapes, but they were just out of his grasp.
After multiple failed attempts, the fox grew frustrated and tired. Panting heavily, he finally gave up and walked away, muttering, “Those grapes must be sour and undesirable anyway. I didn’t want them.”
Within this fable, there are three key elements or characters I want to explore and unpack together.
First, we have the fox, representing an ego-self, meaning you or me.
Second, we have the grapes, which depict your desires, the people, and things you long for in life.
Third, we have the fox’s hunger, which I propose symbolizes your life force energy.
Let’s review the fable again and then unpack it: The fox is walking along his merry way, having a wonderful day, then he experiences a type of pain: hunger. He witnesses a luscious bunch of grapes and realizes just how hungry he is. His pain becomes exponentially more real, and he WANTS those grapes, like REALLY wants them. One could pose that he feels he NEEDS the grapes to feel satisfied. Unable to get the grapes, he demonizes or otherizes them to still feel ok about himself. He decides they are sour and no good, and, one could say, he suppresses his hunger, his life force energy, in the process.
Most interpretations of this fable apply a lesson that essentially challenges the reader to believe, “What you want is meant for you.” Don’t give up. Don’t play the victim. Go for the grapes until they become yours.
However, I feel this misses the depth this fable offers regarding victimization and your desire to live more fully, more freely. You see, the grapes only represent ONE concretized or physical manifestation of what could fulfill the fox’s need.
It’s only one specific job, raise, lover, clientele, or object.
However, beneath that physical manifestation is the fox’s HUNGER.
His life force energy that is craving expression.
Applying the metaphor to life from this perspective: Perhaps you have been walking through life, doing ok, managing, or perhaps even feeling pretty good. However, somewhere along the way, you meet or see another individual with “grapes” in their world, and in witnessing this, you realize the pain or even numbness that has been present in your world. You see that this individual or group appears well supported, happy, and successful, and determine you need what they have in order to meet your “hunger.”
So you go for the grapes.
But what if those specific grapes, whether it’s the specific job, raise, lover, friend, clientele, or object, don’t reciprocate?
Do you keep at it? Do you listen to your guide or coach or guru when they say, “What you want is meant for you! You’re just missing XYZ” or “You’re just doing this too much.” or “You’re not doing this enough.” And…if you don’t go for it, you’re playing victim to life.
Mmmmm, Imma say no.
This misses the point…and I would argue even if you got the grapes, the hunger would only come back. Sticking with the metaphor here, the grapes are only a quick snack for the real hunger present in the fox.
The truth is, to truly meet your need, you have to discover what your hunger is all about.
You have to uncover what your life force energy is responding to so you can express and honor THAT. Can you feel the freedom there? Claiming what you truly want has far less to do with the specific job, raise, lover, clientele, or object and so much more to do with how you’re meeting yourself.
This is where you truly move from victimization to claiming what you REALLY want.
Let’s make this practical with a few steps to implement the lessons from this fable.
3 Ways to Claim What You Really Want:
- Start by writing down the “grapes” in your world. The specifics. The job, raise, lover, friend, clientele, or object. Make a bulleted list of all the things you really want. Then, pick one of them to work with.
- Write down everything about that specific job, raise, lover, friend, clientele, or object that you LOVE, that you CRAVE. Get into it, get juicy, get sensuous even. Go deeper than just how much the job makes or what that new wardrobe looks like, I want to know so much more. I want to know how they make you FEEL, how they make you light up, what’s that like? What aspect of them brings that up? How do you know?
- Using this writing, begin to explore: Why are these intangible elements not present in my world now? What narratives are coming up when I consider having these things/feelings/expressions now? What emotions come up when I consider living out these experiences and expressions? Is there resistance? All of your answers reveal information about the state of your inner world and what may be keeping you from expressing your life force freely. Rather than trying to push through these and claim all of these aspects right away, I encourage you to simply be with them. Start with that and be willing to let the integration take time.
Ultimately, handing back victimization and claiming your desires is a massive topic, and I’m only scratching the surface in this episode. If you want further support in navigating this journey, I am currently taking on new 1:1 Coaching Clients, and I would love to work with you. My coaching work is carefully facilitated to help you before, during, and after seasons of overwhelm and transition so you can rise empowered and root into freedom, no matter what lies ahead.
We will honor where you’re at now.
Explore new possibilities.
Then, work toward personal freedom and wholeness together.
You can book a free 30-minute clarity call at megscolleen.com or shoot me a text at 815.914.6304. I’m here when you’re ready.
I’m sending you all so much love, and I’ll see you in a couple of weeks.
Freedom is yours,
Mentions & More:
- The fable of The Fox & The Grapes
- Monday morning affirmation cards and journal prompts at 8 am PST on Insight Timer
- My new book, Live Your Freedom Now, which is available for purchase
- My 1:1 coaching is open for new clients. Text or call me at 815.914.6304 or book a FREE clarity call with me to get started: https://megscolleen.com/book-a-free-call/