Hello hello creative humans, today I am writing from my dining room table. By now you may have noticed that I tend to move around as I create, as I write, and it’s true! Perhaps it’s my creative brain, or it could be the fact I mostly work from home, whatever the case I love switching things up when I work and write. And so, today, the dining room. I have a candle burning in the center of the table, the sun is shining through the sliding door windows and making my plants extremely happy. My feet are crossed beneath me as my “egg” style chair holds me, and a have a thermos of hot matcha just to the right of my typing hands. 

As we begin today’s episode I encourage you to pause for just a moment and also notice your surroundings. Notice the light, the shadows, the colors, the weight of what is holding you.

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Today, our focus is discussing the internalized Dominant Dogma in business that says, “They have it better than me.” It’s a frustration I have both experienced and witnessed in my clients. It often manifests as a feeling of inadequacy, as if they are not enough, or that other business owners somehow seem to be in a better place, often with “evidence” exhibited through social media.

While doing my research on this Dominant Dogma two of the most frequently searched questions that I found in my explorations were: “How can I stop being bitter about other people’s success?” and “How to stop comparing myself to others?” Additionally, other pertinent phrases discovered through online research were: “comparison is the thief of joy” “don’t compare yourself to others” “believe in yourself” “focus on yourself”. 

These search results begin to paint a picture of the Freedom on the other side of comparison, which is: Their journey is none of your business. But, how did you get to this point in the first place? Why is it so easy to assume they have it better than you and to project your experience of them, onto them?

I believe this is largely due to how Capitalism, Social Media, and Bro Marketing feed off of the modern struggles of attachment.

This internalized Dominant Dogma of, “they have it better” is exactly what the system needs to survive in its current form: They need you to feel small, not enough, insecure, and lacking…so you purchase from them.

I want to take a brief look at how capitalism and social media have instilled this Dominant Dogma within your psyche and influenced your marketing habits unconsciously.  

Capitalism, in its present insidious form, is the beast behind social media which requires the algorithms to make you feel. If a post or an ad can manipulate you into feeling inadequate, you’re more motivated to purchase the product that suggests it will remedy that negative feeling. That purchase, in turn, pays their clients (the advertisers) and the cycle continues as both the advertiser and the social media host profit.

I want to highlight this more clearly because I think many of us often forget: When it comes to social media, you are the product, not the consumer. 

Social media, as an advertisement platform, consistently feeds you a singular vision of happiness, belonging, and success. It aims to cultivate FOMO, a feeling of scarcity and lack, thus attracting more of your attention and energy, with the end goal of securing your purchase. This is how their business model functions.

This overarching system, both on an individual and a small business level, leaves many business owners, perhaps you included, following suit by using manipulative, Bro Marketing tactics within their organic and paid online content. 

In her Medium article “How to Avoid the Bro Marketing Trap”, Stephanie Jiroch defines Bro Marketing with three key symptoms: 1 – Falsified urgency or scarcity, 2 – FOMO, and 3 – A lack mindset. – source

Each of these symptoms runs rampant in online marketing due to the toxicity of the overarching systems we just discussed. The result? An ecosystem of harmful marketing, from corporate giants down to the Airbnb next door, and humans feeling insecure and lacking, consistently believing: “They have it better than me.”

Every time you pick up your phone to scroll, without very clear energetic and mindset boundaries, you are encouraged to believe that we live in a zero-sum world and you are currently getting the short end of the stick.

• They have more clients.
• They have more success.
• They have better clothes. 
• They are accepted.
• They have more friends. 
• They have a better support system.
• They got the book deal.
• They know more than me.
• They have a nicer office.
• People trust them more.
• They live in a more popular city.
•  Getting clients is just easier for them

“They have it better than me.”

Now, how can we hand back this Dominant Dogma? I’ve been sharing the dark side of why it’s there, and there is SO much more we could go into, but let’s explore the freedom on the other side. 

First off, I’m not here to say that your experience of “they have it better than me” isn’t valid at times. However, staying in that place and buying into that Dominante Dogma on the regular is not going to get anyone anywhere. 

You can honor your experience. Feel it. Get your emotions out around it. Grieve where you have been navigating difficulty and perhaps even loss. Then, I encourage you to remember: Dominant Dogma wants you to keep feeling this way because others profit off of your feeling broken, small, and like a victim of your world. Fuck that. We are NOT here for that anymore.

We are here to live free.

To cultivate sustainable paths forward.

To craft regenerative businesses which no longer extract from one another, including this completely jacked-up level of mindset fuckery requiring humans to feel broken and small in order for a company to succeed. 

No, thank you. 

Instead, let’s flip this Dominant Dogma on its head and embrace the freedom of self-responsibility. Because the truth is, their journey is none of your business. Whoever they may be, their experience of “better,” is none of your business. And, when you reduce them to a simple thought of “they have it better” it strips both them and you of nuanced humanity.

The freedom of self-responsibility is an invitation to consciously re-attune to your autonomy. To shift your focus back to you. To tending to your energy. To focus on what you DO have, thus allowing yourself to set yourself free no matter what is going on around you, and no matter who is going on around you. Despite all of the Dominant Dogma encouraging you to outsource your power and compare yourself to those around you, this is an invitation to process your emotions, and consciously choose how you want to engage with advertisements, tools like social media, and ultimately the narratives internal and external that tell you you’re not enough.

Alongside remembering that their journey is not your own, I encourage you to get curious: What about their journey is mirroring something you crave? How can you integrate more of that into your life right here and now? Shift to a perspective that says if it’s possible for someone, perhaps it’s possible for you too. What if you viewed their experience not as a thorn in your side, but instead as a window into your soul reminding you of your dreams and desires for a better future? What then? 

And that is where I am going to close for today. This Dominant Dogma holds SO much within it that we could explore, but this feels like a supportive landing space for today. 

All right, I’ll see you next week!

Freedom is yours, 

Megan