Have you ever been on the search for that really CLEAR way forward, only to pause one day and realize this search for perfect clarity hasn’t really gotten you anywhere but spinning in place?
Telling yourself you need a crystal clear path forward can keep you in unhealthy relationships, toxic work environments, or throwing money at courses and blueprints that ultimately leave you right where you started – and, funnily enough, still saying “I need more clarity!!”
Today on the Live Your Freedom Now podcast, I am exploring this very experience because I think it is SO important to ease away from trying to ensure you are on the “right path” and doing the “right things,” and instead explore how you can be with whatever fear comes up around the decision you’re being faced with.
Learning to be with fear is an important piece of being able to stop waiting for a clear path and instead make aligned decisions for you, right here and now.
Listen in as I share my 3 biggest tips to overcome your decision-making fear and dispel this Dominant Dogma!
In this episode, I explore:
- The Dominant Dogma of “I need a clear path”
- How this is associated with fear in attachment research
- The possible fears that may be motivating you into this narrative
- Encouragement around the unknown, and it’s beauty and possibility
- My 3 tips to overcome decision making fear
- An invitation to use my new book as your practical guide to personal freedom, “Live Your Freedom Now”
- A reminder that I have space open, if you’d to work with me deeper in a one on one capacity
Listen to the episode wherever you like to listen to your podcasts or watch it now on YouTube!
Watch the episode:
Hello, hello freethinker!
Before we dive in, I want to remind you that my new book, which corresponds with this podcast, is available in paperback and hardcover! This book is your field guide for discovering your true self, and you can purchase it on my website, megscolleen.com, or snag your copy on Amazon by searching Live Your Freedom Now.
Ok, let’s get started:
Today I am writing to you from my dining room table. It’s currently deliciously foggy outside so to match the mood I have an English Breakfast Tea on the table to my left. As per usual I also have my water bottle with me, various textbooks scattered around me, and my pup is sleeping on the couch keeping an eye on me as I work. Due to a recent amount of stress and internal processing, my health has been a bit up and down lately, so I’ve chosen to stay comfy in leggings, warm socks, and a cozy, but presentable sweater so I’m prepped for coaching calls this afternoon. I feel grounded, relaxed, and yet tender. My nervous system has been going through a lot and I’m very present to that today.
As I pause to notice my inner and outer worlds, I encourage you to do the same. Notice where you are, the textures around you, the colors, and the sounds. Notice any emotions that are present in your system.
In this practice, I encourage you not to judge or label any sensation, object, or even the state of your boundaries. Instead, simply notice, witness, and allow all parts of yourself and your experience to the table. Allow them, and you, just as you are in this moment. This is a practice of personal freedom that you can utilize at any time.
In today’s episode, I am exploring the Dominant Dogma: I need a clear path.
First, a reminder of what Dominant Dogma is: Dominant Dogma is a term I coined to encompass all the cultural narratives and beliefs which externally, and subsequently internally as adaptive strategies, tell you who you’re supposed to be, how to do it, and what you need to buy to live that out.
Now, according to attachment research, today’s Dominant Dogma is primarily rooted in fear. – source Time and time again, I see this proven within my own client work as clients show up with a craving to move forward but also feel:
- A fear of choosing the wrong thing.
- A fear of failure.
- A fear of not being good enough.
- A fear of change.
- And a fear of loss.
Each of these fears keep them from taking next steps forward. They want a clear, sturdy, and secure path forward.
Before I dive into how to navigate these fears, first and foremost, I want to remind you that whatever fear comes up for you regarding wanting a clear path forward, it is SO valid!
And also, when you make a choice, when you take an action, when you put one foot in front of the other as you journey through YOUR unique path, you don’t know what the outcome will be. None of us do.
This can be an incredibly painful and fearful fact to face…it’s why many folks never move beyond their current circumstances and even develop harmful coping strategies.
However, this unknowing, this mystery, is also part of the beauty of being alive!
We don’t know the path forward, and because we don’t know, anything is possible!
Instead of trying to ensure you are on the “right path” and doing the “right things” I want to explore how you can be with whatever fear comes up for you so that you can stop waiting for a clear path and instead make aligned decisions for you, right here and now. It’s time to engage with the unknown aspects of life from a place of groundedness, exploration, and self-trust.
3 Tips to Overcome Decision-Making Fear
As we’ve established, making decisions can be intimidating, especially when the stakes are high, and the outcome is uncertain. We’ve all experienced that feeling of uncertainty, doubt, and fear when facing important choices. My goal with these three tips is to help you understand the psychology behind your fear so that you can navigate it and embrace the Freedom Beyond needing a clear path.
Tip #1: Recognize and Acknowledge Your Fear
Fear is a natural human emotion that can either motivate or paralyze you. When faced with a decision, it’s important to recognize and acknowledge the fear influencing your thoughts and feelings. Take a moment to identify the specific fears coming up for you. Are you afraid of making the wrong choice? Fearful of change or the unknown? Worried about what others might think? Once you acknowledge your fears, you can better understand their impact on your decision-making process.
Often when working with my clients, I encourage them to personify their fear. If your fear was a person, place, or thing, what would it be? Who does it sound like? When you talk to them, what do they have to say? By envisioning your fear as a person or an object, you can sometimes learn new things about it and befriend it in new ways. If you need help with this, a great place to start is my free ecotherapy meditation on my website. You can access this through the link in the show notes, or head to megscolleen.com.
Tip #2: Practice Mindfulness and Self-Compassion
Expanding on the first tip, mindfulness and self-compassion are powerful tools to help us manage fear and make better decisions. Mindfulness involves being present in the moment without judgment, and self-compassion involves treating ourselves with kindness and understanding.
When choosing the next step on your path, practice mindfulness by bringing your attention to the present moment rather than getting lost in worry about the future or regret about the past. Notice your thoughts and emotions without judgment, and allow them to pass without getting attached to them. This can help you gain clarity and make decisions from a place of groundedness and calm rather than fear. If you need help with this, a great place to start is with my free grounding meditations on Insight Timer. You can access these at the link in the show notes. – source
Tip #3: Gather Information and Tune Into Your Intuition
At times, fear can arise from uncertainty and lack of information. While we can never fully know the outcome of our choices and of life, we can take time to gather information and tune into what our intuition has to say.
In this tip, I encourage you to take time to research and gather all the necessary information about the options you’re considering on your journey. Make a list of pros and cons for each option, and notice how you feel about each choice. This process can help you gain a clearer understanding of the risks and benefits associated with each choice, which can help, to some degree, alleviate fear on your journey. As you engage with this exercise, remember, possibility always exists beyond your comfort zone. Try to tune in to what paths feel stretchy and empowering, what paths feel safe and comfortable, and what paths feel risky and “out there.” Often, I find that people feel most alive and purposeful when they have a balance of all three paths. It’s important to have some things in life that are secure and safe, while also encouraging yourself to extend beyond your comfort zone. Additionally, having an area of life where you can really let go and be reckless can be important too. The key is noticing what a healthy balance looks like for you.
This leads to the Freedom Beyond needing a clear path: self-trust and exploration.
Ultimately, life and the many choices it requires us to make is an invitation to self-trust, exploration, and collaboration with one’s inner self, those around you, and the universe. Life is messy, it’s wild, it’s creative, and it’s unpredictable. This can be a beautiful gift! The more you cultivate deep self-trust, the more you can trust your unique path and enjoy it as an exploratory journey.
And that is where I am going to leave you today.
In two weeks, I will share a bit more about the Freedom Beyond needing a clear path by offering the symbol of a labyrinth, which I am SO excited about, and I cannot wait to share it with you.
Additionally, I want to remind you that my new book, which corresponds with this podcast, is available in paperback and hardcover! This book is your field guide for discovering your true self, and you can purchase it on my website, megscolleen.com, or snag your copy on Amazon by searching Live Your Freedom Now.
I’m sending you all so much love, and I’ll see you in a couple of weeks.
Freedom is yours,
Mentions & More:
- Attachment Research sourced in this episode: “The need to belong: Desire for interpersonal attachments as a fundamental human motivation.” by Baumeister, Roy F. & Leary, Mark R.
- My free ecotherapy meditation on my website
- My free grounding meditations on Insight Timer
- My 1:1 coaching series. Book a FREE clarity call with me to get started: https://megscolleen.com/book-a-free-call/